Eyes of Blue
by PrincessAlica
Summary: Set near the end of the novel, Scarlett is watching Bonnie ride her pony in the backyard.
1. Chapter 1

_So here's a new story, but I was good and finished an old one before I started the new one. This could go anywhere, and I'm trying to let the story tell itself. So as I'm writing, I really don't know what is next or really what is happening. I'm as lost as Scarlett, lol just ask Sara. A special shout out to Sara for faithfully reading whatever drabble I come up with, and Corrin who ushered me into this fandom, and today's special shout out to Katie, because lately as I've written, I'm hoping that each time I post that I will be rewarded with a new post from her, like a gold star sticker. For those who don't know me, feel free to check out my other stories (there are plenty to choose from). Ironically, I think part of motivation comes from rereading my Gura, and especially the chapter about the unfinished fics, I guess I ended up poking myself. And if my posting helps any of the other old timers to post then even better! ( dreams here of Blue finishing her Christmas one or Gypsymuse finishing "The Visitor" - just naming off the top of my head, I would love to see all of them finished.) So here's my early Christmas gift to you! Merry Christmas!_

The sun was shining and Scarlett peered out the window into the backyard where Bonnie was riding back and forth on her pony. She commanded those around her as an imperious little empress. Rhett, who was normally so domineering, was now being dominated by a teeny tyrant of his own making. Even from the window, Scarlett recognized the stubborn set of her little jaw. Scarlett, amused by the tiny fist ruling the backyard domain, called out to her, "You're might pretty, precious". Bonnie magnanimously returned the compliment, "So are you." Rhett paced back and forth, carefully watching as she trotted on the track that had been prepared for her. Ella stood off to the side watching her sister eagerly, although she was too afraid of the animal to draw near to it.

Her heart was already racing, as she stood watching Bonnie, the bright blue eyes were focused on the jump ahead of her, her shrill voice calling out to her mother, "Mother, watch me take this one!" She kicked her heels into the small pony's side and rushed toward the small jump that she had been practicing on. "Rhett, stop her," Scarlett called, but he just smiled and laughed. "Rhett! She's too little. And she's just like pa."

The words froze on her lips. It was in that instant that the memories surged forward, and suddenly terror froze her veins and sent splinters of fire through her extremities. Time was frozen as the pony balked and she saw the images of her small stocky daughter and the images of her elderly father juxtaposed as her small daughter hurtled through the air as Rhett's voice cried out hoarsely. There was the crack of splintering wood as Scarlett struggled to rise, afraid to take her eyes of the scene playing out before her. She was trapped far above the scene only an observer as the people on the ground rushed toward the fallen child. Scarlett faltered, waging an internal war as to whether to rush to Bonnie's side or to not let the child out of her sight.

But she couldn't tell exactly what was happening from her perch high above, and instantly she knew that she could not stay above the fray. She needed to get to Bonnie as soon as she could. She turned and ran down the stairs, running like she had not run since she was a child, her lungs straining as her sides pushed against the corset confining her, as she ran down the stairs which terrified her, for she still had nightmares of them and falling. But the icy fear was stronger than her memories as she struggled to reach Bonnie. The thoughts were words that she could not dare to express, for the thought of her beautiful Bonnie dead… It wasn't even something that she could fully say in her own head.

Already she could hear Rhett's hoarse panicked voice as he screamed, a scream that was almost not human. And yet, it only compelled her to push harder, to pool every ounce of strength and energy into reaching her daughter's side. For once the house seemed to large, the hallways too convoluted. It was though she was running through a maze, with the hounds of hell nearly upon her.

She had not wanted to be a mother. She had even suggested to Rhett that she could terminate her pregnancy, but she had not understood. She could not grasp the love that she could feel or the intense need to protect those that you love, regardless of the details, regardless of the fact that she didn't particularly enjoy being a mother or spending time with her children. And now the fears assailed her, fears that consumed her, fear that her errant wishes to not have her children would belatedly come to fruition.

The daylight spilled through the back doors of the house, as Rhett rushed in carrying a limp bundle of blue fabric, nearly knocking her over in his haste to carry Bonnie up the stairs. He did not even seem to be aware that she was there or of anything other than the child he carried. A line of servants trailed behind him, as they tried to aid the little missus. There was no sound from the child, and Scarlett quickly raced to the back stairs to rush and join her husband, trying to determine what had happened.

By the time she reached the second floor, she had to stop to breathe. She stumbled on, for a corset was not made to be worn during strenuous exercise, and tiny black dots pricked at her vision. But she continued on, only to be faced with a shut door. "Rhett!" she wheezed in a panic. "Rhett! Let me in!" She pounded on the door, even as she struggled to catch her breath, using one hand to lean against the door jamb for support, while she beat her fist raw against the carved mahogany.

With a soft click, the door slowly opened, gently swinging inwards. Bonnie was laying upon the bed, as unmoving as a doll, her face smudged with dirt and grass and blood, with little bits clinging to her dark curls. Her chin was scratched and raw where she had fallen Scarlett stumbled towards the bed, her breathing coming in shakier gasps as she watched and willed for any movement. Her knees buckled and she fell beside the bed, her sides aching so that she felt that she might black out from the pain of it. She rose on her knees beside the small bed, as she had once knelt in evening prayers at her mother's side.

Her hand rose to caress the pale cheeks and wipe away some of the grime covering it, but Rhett slapped her hand away. He grabbed it and jerked her painfully to her feet. "Don't touch her," he growled as he pulled Scarlett back against the wall- her back slamming into the chair rail molding that divided the walls. "I just… want … to clean her face..." "No one is touching her until Dr. Meade gets here." He refused to look at her, but Scarlett was afraid to even attempt to resist his edict.

She stared at the ground, but she could not miss the shaking of Rhett's hands, shaking as an old man's would. But Rhett was not old, and he was strong. Finally she turned her face and lifted her eyes to stare at his, which stared out blankly, unfocused and glassed over as though he drank as much liquor as he had the night after Ashley's party. But there were no barbed words flowing from his mouth, no malicious gleam in his eyes. He looked like a lost soul, afraid to move, almost afraid to breath. There room was silent save for their breathing, sounds of voices outside the room only softly drifting in.

Scarlett tried to speak, but the words caught in her throat. She tried again, her voice coming out in a whisper, "Rhett, Rhett?"She reached for his trembling hand, turning to face him. "Rhett, what happened? Is she…" But she could not attempt to say her fears, as if she spoke her fears then she would give them life.

A single tear cut across the chiseled plane of Rhett's face. He did not flinch, did not move, only continuing his frozen stare across the room.

Scarlett momentarily stared with him, trying to see what it was that he saw, "is she all right, Rhett? She has to be all right." Scarlett turned to look at the child laying on the bed, but even before she could begin to move forward, Rhett's trembling fingers turned to iron, and he pulled her back. Scarlett turned her eyes back to Rhett's face, her eyes wide and brimming with tears. Her heart pounded against her chest as a bird futilely beats its wings against a savage storm.. "Rhett?" she cried to his emotionless mask. "Let me do something. Let me wash her face. Let me check and see…."

It was in this moment that he broke. The iron that had held her back softened as in a fire, and he melted against the wall as trembling overtook his body, and Scarlett was pulled into the eddying stream with him, a terrifying whirlpool of emotions as they both sagged onto the carpet. His hand rose to his mouth, as he attempted to stem the flow of fear and pain. He was sobbing, grief pouring out from the darkest depths of his being. And she was terrified of seeing him so broken, and he clutched at her, as a child clutching a favorite toy, his head falling forward into her chest.


	2. Chapter 2

_So here is the second chapter of Eyes of Blue. Thank you to Sara for reading and encouraging me as always. Thank you to everyone that read and reviewed. Thanks so much for your input and time!_

Dr. Meade found them huddled together like a pile of discarded clothing. He began to examine the child, having been warned of the severity of the injuries from a breathless Prissy who had run into his office bawling loudly. Scarlett was afraid to watch the doctor at his work, afraid for the confirmation of what she had been dreading. Her head bent over Rhett, sheltering him from this current storm which had the power to pull both of them under. How bizarre a situation that they had found even the smallest trace of comfort from each other, a feat which had not been accomplished at the time of Scarlett's accident or at any point in their marriage. Rhett's sobbing had stopped and now he remained with his head bent leaning into Scarlett's embrace. His hot breath and salty tears, which had joined with her own, had soaked her bodice. "I killed her," he whispered in a voice void of all emotion. "I murdered my own child."

There was nothing that Scarlett could say to him, nothing to take away his pain and anguish. Bonnie was dead. Her child that bubbled with life and vitality was gone from her. She was so afraid, but she hadn't even been able to check and see for herself if the child was still breathing. Rhett would not allow anyone near her, but she could feel the tightness in her chest at Rhett's confirmation that her youngest child was gone. It was a tension that spread through her body like a bolt of lightening in the darkened sky. Neither of the children that she had created with Rhett would live to adulthood. There would be nothing left to tie herself to him. And he would leave. He would travel to far off places and not return, because there was not a child asking for her, connecting them. She couldn't imagine her life without Rhett.

Scarlett glanced up to see Dr. Meade packing his bag. "There is nothing more that I can do. Scarlett, Rhett, come here," Dr. Meade commanded.

She reluctantly rose, shaking Rhett hands free from her. Rhett did not try to stop her, nor did he move to listen to the older man. She stepped up to the bed, using every bit of determination that she possessed to hold herself together. "Yes, Dr. Meade." Her legs were shaking, and she tried to still the trembling that consumed her being.

He glanced behind her at Rhett who still sat as unmoving as stone. "Come with me. We need to talk."

Scarlett followed on his heels, and stopped just outside the door to Rhett's bedroom. Doctor Meade immediately began chiding her for her parenting skills, "It's complete foolishness for a child that age to be jumping, and I know that you have enough common sense to know better. It's a miracle that this wasn't worse."

She blinked her eyes and shook her head trying to make sense of Dr. Meade's words to her.

"She could have broken her neck, but luckily she hit the bar with her chest. There is heavy bruising, and she broke both arms. She must have tried to brace herself for the impact of the fall. Her arms took the brunt of the damage. This could have been much worse. It's a miracle that she didn't break her neck. She is still unconscious, and I'm not sure when she is going to wake up."

"Bonnie's not dead?" Her hand flew to her mouth, her eyes wide with disbelief. "But Rhett thinks, and I thought, and…."

"She had the wind knocked out of her and the sudden trauma to her chest might have caused her heart to briefly stop, enough so to give the impression that she was deceased. She is indeed gravely injured, but the child is still alive. Rhett surely has enough life experience to check for those things. You did tell us that he served from the Atlanta campaign to the end of the war, didn't you? He surely wouldn't assume that the child was dead, if he did not have some form of proof." Scarlett nodded, somehow maintaining a semblance of composure, aware that Dr. Meade was more likely to be forthcoming with her since he knew that she wasn't one prone to having vapors as many other ladied were. Dr. Meade had counted on her steady hand many more times than she would like to count during the war, despite her reticence and apathy as a young widow who obviously didn't want to live the life of a nurse. "There isn't anything else I can do at the moment. I will check back in a few hours. Just keep watch over her. Send for me if she wakes up." He picked up his bag ready to leave, but he turned back to Scarlett, who was standing beside the door still. "Scarlett, I know of the rumors, and of course I will not consider divulging gossip about your living situation, but for your husband's sake, you might consider giving him another child. This child is his world, and if he loses her, I'm not certain that he could stand it."

Scarlett nodded with no reaction to his advisement and turned back into the room, rushing to Bonnie's side pressing her cheek to Bonnie's mouth feeling for the faintest whisper of a breath. "Oh God! Rhett! Rhett, she's not dead. She's alive. She's still breathing. " Scarlett rushed to the wash basin and began wiping the dirt off of the child's face. Rhett watched her still in a trance, as though he couldn't believe her. His unfocused eyes now moved towards his daughter, watching intently. "She needs bandages. Her face is cut up. There was gravel imbedded in her chin. Rhett, help me!" Rhett remained frozen.

"Bonnie, Bonnie baby. Wake up." Scarlett brushed the hair from her face. There was no movement from the child, who was still as unmoving as she had been when her father had carried into the house. Scarlett picked her up and sat down on the small bed, cradling the child in her arms. "What child is this, who lays to rest, in my arms is sleeping" Scarlett crooned softly, changing the words just enough to suit her needs. Her tears began falling anew as she bent low and listened to the sound of Bonnie's heart beating. This terror and fear had wiped away all of her strength, and she sagged against the bed, curling around Bonnie, afraid to take her eyes of off the child for fear that this miracle would disappear.

"Rhett, come here. Come see her. She's breathing. Her heart is still beating." Rhett opened his eyes and stared at her until he finally lurched forward and crawled until he was level with the bed. He reached out his hand and caressed one of her curls.

"Oh, Bonnie." He responded. He jerked his hand back, his eyes suddenly blank and remote. "I can't. I might hurt her."

"Stop cowering there like a frightened rabbit. She needs you." At his continued silence, she added, "Bonnie needs you, and you have never denied this child anything she wanted, let alone needed. Are you going to begrudge this child your attention?" She softened briefly, "you need to feel that she is still with us." Scarlett glared at him, trying to impose her will upon him.

Rhett rose to the bate, yet not in the way that Scarlett had anticipated. He ran his hands through his hair, pushing through the dark strands in anger and frustration. "By God, you don't understand. She doesn't need me. You shouldn't even allow me near her, or any other child. I break everything that I love." He rose from his position beside the bed and began pacing, "I nearly killed her because I wouldn't refuse her anything. Somehow, I thought that giving her everything that she wanted would allow her to love me completely. I couldn't have you, but I could have her, and she was you in miniature, how I imaged that you were before the war, before life stole everything from you." He glanced at Scarlett who was still holding the unmoving child. "I nearly killed you not so long ago, and I did kill our baby. My father was right, I am worthless. All I seem to do is bring death and destruction in my wake."

"Just stop it." Scarlett carefully extricated herself from Bonnie, and moved towards Rhett, her eyes flashing. "I am not blameless in my accident. I didn't have to react to your taunts. I didn't have to try and slap you. I always rise to the bait, and this time I paid dearly, with the only child I was ever happy to be expecting, and very nearly with my life. But I made the choice to fight you. Don't take my sins on yourself, you have plenty without my aid."

Rhett stopped his pacing and looked at her quizzically, "You wanted the baby?"

Suddenly Scarlett realized what she had said, her hand flying to her mouth, as though she could take back her admission. She blinked solemnly, "yes, Rhett. I was happy about the baby, and devastated when I lost it."

This only seemed to further agitate him, "And I took the baby from you."

She followed him and reached forward to lay a hand on his arm, "Rhett, it was all an accident. I missed you so when you were gone. You have to let it go, and be here for Bonnie. The past is over. There is no sense in looking back. It only hurts you. Haven't I always told you that I don't like looking at my past, at my mistakes, or even more terrible is looking back at the happier times, because then it hurts terribly when you remember the people that you love that are gone."

"If you missed me so, then why didn't you call for me? I would have come." Rhett returned, his energy, focused on the small hand on his arm.

"I did." She told him confused. "At least I thought I did. I meant to, but I was so afraid that you wouldn't come. And even if I did, they might not have heard me. From what Melanie told me, I was completely lost with the fever for several days. You can't blame me for anything that I did or did not say when I was fighting a fever and the specter of death."

"Why did you think I wouldn't come?"

"You wished that I would miscarry!" She growled, pulling her hand back. "I'm sorry, but I don't think it is too surprising that I doubted your desire to spend time with me, after all you told me you were leaving, that your bags were still at the station. For all I knew, you could have already been gone."

"What kind of cad do you take me for? I thought that my wife was dying, I wouldn't have left. It was stupid of me to say that, but you wished that it was anyone's baby but mine." He returned as he resumed his pacing.

"It was a lie." she offered softly. "You asked who the father was?" her voice rose shrilly before she took as breath, "We can't rehash every word we have spoken to each other in anger. We don't have the time. I don't think that anyone has time for that."

Rhett's reply was cut short by soft sounds coming from the bed. Soft moans were coming from Bonnie. Never had there been such a marvelous sound as that.

 _So I had the hardest time with this chapter, because by Rhett's reaction I was sure that she was dead, but I just couldn't kill her. I just couldn't do it...People fall off of horse all of the time, and they don't die. So I felt that I could change this, and maybe make it a little more optimistic, I mean at least for the moment. Ironically, it seems like no one is posting, just when I finally get around to posting again. Merry Christmas!_


End file.
